Do we ever dare to actually hear what we have to say to one another? Or are our minds so preoccupied with ourselves that we aren’t really listening, not because we don’t want to, but because we’re afraid to.
Listening is risky. It involves an investment of emotional energy, of empathy and understanding that perhaps in that moment we don’t feel equipped to offer, but if we don’t, we miss out. We might even be missing out on the most important thing that that person will say all day, maybe even all week. It might be a coded cry for help, an admission, an apology or something that goes on to inform the relationship, but we won’t know unless we listen and admit that if we do, there might be consequences.
Often listening is all that’s required. As an external processor, my wife knows that more often than not, all I need to do is verbalise something and that’s enough, to let the thought out and move on from there. However, sometimes we are required to actively listen and then act accordingly. It’s all too easy to hear something and park it away as if it was never said, but the foundation of a relationship and caring for someone is to have a level of responsibility for them, and sometimes that involves the risk of actually having to do something about what they’ve told you.
I’m speaking to myself as much as to anyone else, my brain seems to fizz around with so many of my own thoughts that it’s hard to switch off and not assume that whatever I’m hearing has to inform my own preoccupations. For me, I need to pursue ways in which to slow down, quieten my mind and be open and receptive to what people want to say, because how can we care for them if we don’t listen to what they have chosen to tell us.
This article is taken from my May Mailout which also features some of my latest news and cultural highlights.
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